Prince of Bel-air

Philippians 4:7 'and the peace of God which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Jesus Christ.'


In September of 1990 the USA was introduced to a television show called The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. 

My son Donnie was a seventeen year old.... a very rebellious one.  Our home became a battleground from first thing in the morning to the last thing at night. If I gave him a time to be home, he'd miss it.  When I said no to his idea of packing every possible friend in his car for a joy ride, he may have said okay, but I finally figured that one out too. And it was not okay. We lived in the country side (2 lane roads only).  This meant that if he went down the road one way and had to come back, he'd have to drive past our house before going to see his other friends.  It must have worked very well for him. I was completely fooled. Until one day I just happened to look out the window. Donnie was driving by. As he passed the house, several heads in the back seat shot up. (I just know they were probably laughing at me over it.)

And of course, when my son got home, a new  battle began. Except on Monday nights. Fresh Prince of Bel-Air aired at 8:00 pm.  It was a program that any family with teenagers could relate to. It was for many, our first introduction to the world of Will Smith. Even the theme song had us in stitches along with the kookie clothing he wore, and his baseball cap skewed on backwards.

Ah, peace reigned along with side splitting laughter. I saw my son in his real light. Just a kid, somewhere between boy and young man and both battling for position in his life. Donnie had his own battles just like any teenager. And I had the battle of not wanting to let go, wanting to shield him from the hurts of life that I knew were coming.

How I cherish these memories now. They bring me peace and remind me of the good times.

I'd love to meet Will Smith someday. I've kind of 'adopted' him in a way.  I'd love to share with him the memories that I hold so dear.

Yesterday Once More

John 14: 1-4

"Do not let your hearts be troubled.  Trust in God, trust also in me. In my  Fathers house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place I am going."

Today is my son Donnie's birthday's. It's hard to believe he's been gone almost eight years. I've been asked before (and maybe you have too) whether, with the passing of time if I'm over it. I can clearly say 'yes' and  'no'. Those of you who have been there know what I'm talking about. We grieve, we heal, we think, 'okay, I'm ready to move on.' Then just at that time we face another obstacle we didn't even know we had. Maybe it was a favorite song our child loved. Perhaps someone suggests a special place where we used to go with our child and we find ourselves unable to do so because we fear the memory will hurt too much. And sometime just the 'mention' is enough of a reminder to send us spinning. 

I have one of those obstacles. It had to do with a Christmas Tradition and Donnie. When he was little, we'd watch all the Christmas specials on television. But there was one in particular (which I'd rather not say because it is so close to my heart) that I found I couldn't watch. Just thinking about it hurt.

Thank God for divine intervention.

Last evening I turned on the television. I was going to watch a program a friend recommended. Instead the Christmas special I used to watch with Donnie has just started. I didn't change the channel this time. I instead, sat down and watched. It was just like yesterday, with four year old Donnie  sitting next to me,  crumbs falling from his little hands as he ate his cookies and the calming  presence of the Lord surrounding us. Total peace. This was one of those 'your days of mourning will end' moments. 

Some people might say the whole thing is a fluke. Not so.  God always knows what He's doing and He appoints the time to do it. 


I feel like I've been given the best Christmas gift of all; 'Yesterday Once More'

May you be blessed... 

Mary Netreba

The Holidays

Psalm 23 NIV

The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want, He makes me lie down in green pastures, He leads me beside quiet waters, He restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for His namesake.
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

Hello again and welcome to One Breath from Heaven.  I apologize for not posting for the last few weeks.  I committed myself to NANOWRIMO (National Novel Writing Month) Yes I decided to go for it and see if it was possible to actually write an entire novel in a month. I'm close, I have a few more days.

Yesterday was Thanksgiving, the official entrance to the Christmas Season. It's a fun time of year for many. The holidays just seem to bring out the best in some.

It can be however the worst time of year for those who've lost a loved one. Especially if it's happened in the current year.( I have an earlier blog titled  'The List of Firsts.' You may want to look at it. )

I used to be an Insurance Agent, primarily Life Insurance. Many of my clients became friends. The Christmas Season was absolutely the most trying time in their grieving process.  Hate to say it but there are some folks want to enjoy the Christmas season and may be standoffish about what you're going through. For your sake, let it go.

Thankfully there are also empathetic compassionate folks ready with a hug and warm meal.

If you are one of them, thank you.

I don't what I would've done but for the kindness and compassion I was given at a truly difficult season in my life made worse since my son Donnie's birthday was also in December.

Ultimately we have the Great Comforter who will wrap you in His arms and hold you as long as you want.

You are in my prayers as we enter into the most Holy Season...

Mary Netreba

If Only

2 Corinthians 7:10  "Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret but worldly sorrow brings death."  NIV

There was a movie that came out about ten years ago called If Only. It revolved around two characters, a twenty something couple. The boyfriend was on the selfish side and made himself first in everything. Little did he know that the love of his life would die the day he once again put his needs ahead of hers. The regrets of how selfish he'd been made him wish he could do it over.  He awakes the next day to find his girlfriend is alive and well. He spends that day with her, foregoing all his other obligations, knowing at some point she'll be taken from him. He opens up and  for the first time shares his past, his hopes, his fears, everything. There is a moment when he knows she will die but he instead gives up his own life for hers. While If Only was a secular movie, it drove home the point of what real love is. 


Not too soon after receiving the news of my son passing did I begin the journey of guilt. If only I'd known. Why didn't I see it coming ...? Maybe I should have...   What would've happened if?...

We have a tendency for tremendous hindsight don't we?

False guilt of the 'maybe's and 'if only's however can consume us if we're not careful. The more we think about it, the worse we feel.  We can condemn ourselves to our own virtual jail cell of guilt.  I have a friend whose son died as a young man.  Not only did she have to deal with the grief but with false guilt because she and her son had an argument only a few weeks before his passing. It haunted her. "If only I'd known." she said.

I've voiced those same words myself in many circumstances in my lifetime but none as harsh as the regrets of "if only's" regarding my son.

And then, there's what I call the well meaning card carrying members of the false guilt society. "Maybe you shouldn't have let him/her", "this is why I won't let my child...', maybe it would've been better if..." 

How many of us would ever intentionally place our children in danger?

The real truth is that God elects  those who will die and when.  False guilt is a tactic of the enemy.

Romans 8:1 Therefore, there is  now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus  NIV

Until next time,

Blessings

Mary Netreba

The Comforting Aspect of Jesus

Isaiah 9 Verse 6

'For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. He will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.'


I must have read this verse countless times throughout the years, but  there was one part I never really caught and never even realized it. 'To us a son is given.'

When we lose a child, there are many things that instantly disappear. We are no longer secure. Our world is shaken to the core. Life as we know it no longer exists and we can never get it back. We're left to face daily the should haves, could haves, 'if only's, false guilt (something I'll post about in another blog), and of course, why. Always why.

I've known my Lord and Savior since the age of  28. As I grew in the knowledge of who He was, I felt pretty secure  I knew Him well. I was wrong. There was more.

After my son Donnie's passing, when I was in church one Sunday, I slowly began to see Jesus as a son. Before this I saw him as Savior, friend, and confidante. Maybe it's because I identified with His earthly mother, Mary. But what a blessing to add to the list of His aspects. Jesus, God's only son is our son too. He was given to us.

Praise God for His Revelation!

'Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.'

Son.

May you be blessed with His comfort and peace today


Your friend,

Mary Netreba

The Night I Had It Out With God

Luke 20:36

'...and they can no longer die; for they are like the angels. They are God's children, since they are children of the resurrection'

Welcome back to One Breath From Heaven. Welcome also first time visitors. I'm so glad you're here.

When we lose a child, it's so far beyond the natural order of life.  Acceptance of what's happened can eludes us, even when we think we're ready to move on. We feel a certain peace and cherish the memories  of our loved one instead of grieving. 

Suddenly, without warning, we're right back where we started. And we have lots of questions, don't we? But they all come down to one thing;  WHY?

Mine happened on Easter weekend when I flew to California to visit my son Donnie's grave. It was the night before I was scheduled to fly home to Pennsylvania.

"Why God?  Donnie was too young... He was my only son, my only child...  He was only 33."

I never heard a silence so loud.

And then God responded.  "I know."

I've never questioned Him since. God is merciful even when He sees us at our worst, when we dare to question Him.

We can go to Him with anything, even our anger.

Someday we'll be reunited with our loved ones and what a day that will be...

Blessings

Mary Netreba

More Than Conquerors

Romans 8:28

'And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose'


Welcome back to One Breath from Heaven and a warm hello if you're new to this blog

I made mention in a previous post titled 'On Angels Wings'  about the first time I visited my son's grave. Donnie passed away while out of state. A marker was put on his grave to identify him. While I was there I placed flowers, seashells and rocks I had collected along the shore near his marker.
I made arrangements for a Headstone when I returned to Pennsylvania.

My son so loved the ocean.  I chose a beautiful design reflecting what I'm sure he would've wanted which included a lighthouse, the waves of the ocean and dolphins etched into the stone. I also had included 'Psalm 107, verse 1 under his name.

I still have flowers placed on his grave. I asked the florist if she would take a couple of pictures for me and send them, which she did. The seashells and rocks had been removed. It was a disappointment, but being a county grave I didn't have much of a say in the matter.

Recently I learned about a situation where parents are being asked to remove all mementos from their children's graves. It may not sound like a big issue for some but for a grieving parent who lives each day with the loss, knocked down, too tired, and some days feeling too defeated to go on, it's another obstacle to overcome. One of these Moms is a friend and told me that the Church Cemetery had been overgrown until she and two other Moms who lost children turned it into a beautiful garden.  And they're not giving in.  See that? Perfect example of more than Conquerors. :)

Placing keepsakes and mementos on our child's graves isn't to remind us of our child's passing. They're about keeping our child's memory alive.

May you be blessed in your journey...


Mary Netreba

On Angels Wings

Psalms 91: vs 11-12

'For He will command His angels concerning you, to guard you in all your ways;  they will lift you up in their hands so that you will not strike your foot against a stone'

Welcome back. If this is your first time visiting, you've come to the right place. Whether you're a newly grieving parent, or some time has passed since your loss, you have my deepest sympathy. Feel free to share this page if you'd like.

I don't go into too many details of my son's passing because the circumstances were so not normal (in fact I don't even think I could explain it well.)

I would however like to share a little of the journey in the hope of encouraging you. When I stood at my son's grave for the first time.  Just me. Alone. On a Good Friday. After having traveled across the country to get there.

We think we know how we'll react to the challenges we face in life don't we? To my knowledge I'm unaware of a single person who has ever been able to make that claim when faced with the actuality. And I was no exception. By myself, alone, in a strange cemetery, so far removed from Pennsylvania, I didn't think I'd be able to hold up. My precious friends back home had their cell phones on 24/7 in case I needed them. But what happened at my son's graveside was so far beyond anything I could've imagined.

This is where the angels came to my rescue. I fell apart, they carried the burden. I dropped to the ground, they held me up, I felt like I was flying out of my body, they pulled me back in, softening the shock. I believe they were all around me. They stayed with me the entire journey. God made very aware that I was not alone.

When we are in Christ we never are. And in extreme circumstances God will go to the extremes to make Himself and His angels known to us.

I'm praying for you today

Until next time,

Blessings,

Mary Netreba


Photo taken California












 

Celebration of Life

Matthew 5:4   'Blessed are those who mourn for they shall be comforted'


I read recently of a child who from the moment he was born was on borrowed time. His parents, instead of dwelling on the inevitable decided to make the most of every moment they had with him.

When I went into my Facebook Page today, I found out their little one passed on.  While their hearts are broken, what amazed me was how they decided to handle it.

'A Celebration of Life'  

A beautiful tribute to the short time their son was on this earth. a tribute to the joy he brought to his parents and those that loved him.   And to a new 'life everlasting' in Heaven, where he and his parents will be reunited one day.

But I know the days to come will be filled with challenges like no other. There is no schedule for loss. Grief ebbs and flows. So do happy memories.

My prayers are with them through the journey. May I ask that yours are also?

Blessings,

Mary Netreba

The List of 'Firsts'

Isaiah 40:31 KJV

But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up on wings as eagles; they shall run and not faint.

Hello again and welcome to One Breath From Heaven.

It wasn't long into the journey of being a grieving parent that I began to recognize not only was I in the minority, but life and how we live it began to look different too.

Most of us think that grief is expressed by crying and if you cry enough, eventually it will  all go away. Not always.

Even doing the most mundane things such as making the bed, washing the dishes, or cleaning house or anything else for that matter have one thread in common.

After a loss, everything we do is a first; from the first breath on, almost as if having to learn all over again. It feels awkward, unfamiliar, and at times, impossible, doesn't it?

I wish I could tell you the number of times God lifted up through those moments.  Where would we be without Him?

You are in my prayers. Till next time,

Blessings, 

Mary Netreba




 

Left Behind

Jeremiah 29:11

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future


Can you remember a time in your life when you felt left behind? Perhaps you were held back a grade in school while your classmates moved ahead. Maybe it was a job promotion that you just knew you were going to get but at the next company meeting, the coveted advancement was given to someone else.

Being left behind doesn't feel good does it?  And dealing with the sense of abandonment while trying to move forward can be discouraging.

I can't speak for other parents who've lost a child, but I suspect many of us wonder why. Why my child God?  Why not me instead?

Why would God take a son or daughter and leave the parents behind? Ecclesiastes 3:vs -2 comes to mind; 'a time to be born and a time to die'.

One day the answer came to me out of the blue. I don't know why in the world I didn't see it before.

When we're 'Left Behind' I believe it's because He's not done with us yet.  We are still fulfilling God's purpose.  Which can only mean that when a loved ones dies, they've fulfilled His purpose in them.

May you find comfort today.

Blessings,

Mary Netreba

Silence Is Golden (What to say when you don't know what to say)

Ecclesiastes 3:7(b) "...a time to be silent and a time to speak

There was a popular song in America in the early 1970's based on Ecclesiastes. It was a huge hit. It was also when our Nation still had God in everything.

Years ago a friend of mine lost her 17 year old brother in a terrible accident that shouldn't have occurred.

Shock rippled through the community. How could this happen? Why? And why him?

The funeral home was packed with visitors, each of us wanting to offer our condolences in our own way.

Sometimes in our nervousness we don't know what to say and end up blurting out something we wish we could take back. (And I am guilty as charged. What was I thinking?) I only understood after I suffered a loss.

I do realize what I blog about is a pretty dark subject but it is what it is. Death does come to all.

What I noticed the most about the grieving members of the family is how they clung to those who offered a hug. And how two words only summed it up.

 "I'm sorry."

It's so simple.

Maybe I'm mistaken but sometimes less is more.

May you be blessed today.

Mary Netreba

When It Finally Hit Home

 NIV-  2 Corinthians Verses 3-4 

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God

Denial, shock, and the why's.

I think the 'why' was the one I struggled with the most. (Although it could at times change in an instant).  There is something strange, unnatural even about parents who outlive their child.

So why did it? I searched for the answer every day.

It couldn't have been more than a few months when God would show me.

One morning while reading the local newspaper, I learned of a young man who  died after a tragic accident. He'd been in the hospital for several days before  passing. Our church had been praying for him and his family. He was only 33. The same age my son was when he died.

The next Sunday morning I was in church when a woman I never saw before came in and sat in the pew across the aisle from me. It was clear she was very distressed. I found out she was the mother of the young man who died.

After the service I went over to her and sat down. I told how sorry I was for her loss. I also told her what happened to my son.

I'll never forget the look in her eyes.

"I haven't been to church in a long time," she said. "Before I left my home I asked God to please send me someone who would understand what I'm going through." 

Need I say more?

In God's world, there's no such thing as chance. He knew exactly what He was doing  (and still does...)

Blessings,

Mary

OneBreathFromHeaven

Hello and a warm welcome to OneBreathFromHeaven. This blogsite  is dedicated to parents whose children have predeceased them. If you're a friend of someone affected by this loss or an individual who simply would like to learn more, welcome.

I'm not very tech savvy and it took awhile to put this blogsite together but finally, here it is.

I originally had the idea of naming my Blog "thegoodgriefblog" but there were so many listed with the same title offered on the internet that I decided on a new name.

The journey of losing a child is difficult and one that many thankfully will never have to experience. My journey began when my son passed away several years ago. In an instant everything changed. Eventually I came to understand that for those of us in Christ, the moment before we pass, we truly are one breath from Heaven.

It is my hope you find encouragement, peace, and inspiration when you visit OneBreathFromHeaven.

Blessings!    Mary














Mary Netreba

Mom, Author & Speaker
www.marynetreba.com